Friday, May 22, 2015

Why I Can't Do It All

      These days my life is full- very full- working full time combined with parenting as well as being married to a man in the film industry makes for some long days. While the days are full I couldn't be happier- my kids are flourishing like little flowers- reaching towards the sun- as a family we have hit that sweet spot- a day I once thought would never arrive. The baby days are over- all the baby gear passed along or sold- we don't even have a stroller anymore which is strange but nice. They are becoming more independent with little social lives of their own- together but separately we are all changing.

     After all these years I am working at a challenging yet fulfilling job- I am discovering strengths I didn't know existed- learning- making mistakes and making some good moves. I am doing something for me for the first time in over eight years! I often find myself looking around in wonder that I have landed where I am- how my life has changed.

     For all intensive purposes everything appears to be good- balance is being found- everyone is emotionally happy and this is really all that matters. Yet as a woman- or perhaps it's just something that is exclusive to our family- I feel deep seeded guilt- the guilt lurks under beds and behind doors- it takes the form of dirty laundry, dusty baseboards and piles of dirty dishes. I don't even want to talk about the bathroom- sharing a bathroom with a seven year old boy is anything but tidy and the exact opposite of not covered in pee.

   So although my family is perfectly happy- growing like weeds- fed and for the most appropriately clothed a part of me still cringes when I see the mess creeping in. My family doesn't care- they drop their dirty socks randomly through out the house and cease to see them. No one cares about the popcorn covered carpet- or the mismatched bed sheets because popcorn is in the tummies and the sheets are clean. I am the only one that sees any of this mess and like 85% of the time it really doesn't bother me- but the other part of the time it drives me nuts and makes me feel like I am failing as a parent and a woman. Because what sort of homemaker allows the dust to build up?

   This is madness isn't it? I have a perfectly happy family, am working a full time job that I love and have a great relationship with my husband and friends- yet somehow I feel that I am failing. I can't do it all and I don't want to! I want to be hiking trails instead of washing dishes! I want to be snuggling my babies rather than picking up socks! This myth that a modern woman needs to do it all- including keeping a well maintained home is such bunk. I have better things to do with my time than clean!

 The reality is that a working mother does two full time jobs- she does that job she is paid for during the day- immediately transitioning from one job into another- mom mode. School pick up, snacks, dinner prep, laundry, tidying up, feeding people, bathing people, picking up dirty laundry, dishes, straightening up the living room. Very little time for much else and while I'm not whining or complaining I am willing to say I cannot do it all- I am tiered and I have crafts to do! So if you want to come to my house- expect piles of dishes- crummy carpets- funky coffee mugs full of wine and happy mismatched children!

   Friends it is Friday again- hip hip hooray! The weather is looking fair to good for Vancouver and most of BC- I play on spending much of the weekend outside and not doing the dishes! I hope where ever you are the sunshine is on your shoulders and in your heart- much love and Happy Friday Friends!


  1. Oh the conundrum! I hear ya! You're right, you can't do it all. While I am reading your post, something popped up for me. You say the rest of the family doesn't care about not having a neat and tidy home but it nags at your conscience that you should have a tidy home - well, maybe if everyone changes some of their habits (eg not dropping socks wherever) then things might be easier all around. Why should you be the one who feels like she should clean up all the mess?

    So, if I have this wrong, apologies but it's like when we say we are all responsible for what's happening to the environment and we can all do our small part...

    Have a lovely weekend, Sharilyn! I don't live in a clean and neat house neither and I'm retired! ;-)

    1. It's so true Melissa- if only everyone would pick up their own socks- I feel like I live in a house full of frat boys and that is definitely not something I want to foster. While my kids are quite small they still should be more than able to pick up after themselves- it's frustrating and I was just having a moment this morning!

      Also my parents are coming for a visit and I think I was just freaking out at that a bit- they have high expectations which as much as I am a rebel it's hard to completely shake childhood truths! Or what we each see as childhood truths- like I am the messy one in the family!

      I hope you enjoy your weekend as well- I know I will- in my messy apartment!

  2. Oh I can totally understand about the parent approval thing. I still get that myself!

    As to your kids being quite small...I think they are old enough to understand. I also think they are young enough so you can introduce new 'habits' and routines. Probably easier now than later. I started introducing my son to the "tidy up" thing when he was that young. Anyway, it's just something each family has to figure out. Build it a bit at a time.

    Good luck! Have fun with your parents' visit!

    1. You are right- and the do have chores- sometimes I just tiered of constantly reminding them to pick up ect. But you are right I shouldn't be the only one doing all of the cleaning!

      side note- my wonderful friend came over to babysit the other day and washed the dishes with my daughter- we got home to a clean kitchen- I felt pretty lucky!


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