Friday, May 22, 2015
Why I Can't Do It All
These days my life is full- very full- working full time combined with parenting as well as being married to a man in the film industry makes for some long days. While the days are full I couldn't be happier- my kids are flourishing like little flowers- reaching towards the sun- as a family we have hit that sweet spot- a day I once thought would never arrive. The baby days are over- all the baby gear passed along or sold- we don't even have a stroller anymore which is strange but nice. They are becoming more independent with little social lives of their own- together but separately we are all changing.
After all these years I am working at a challenging yet fulfilling job- I am discovering strengths I didn't know existed- learning- making mistakes and making some good moves. I am doing something for me for the first time in over eight years! I often find myself looking around in wonder that I have landed where I am- how my life has changed.
For all intensive purposes everything appears to be good- balance is being found- everyone is emotionally happy and this is really all that matters. Yet as a woman- or perhaps it's just something that is exclusive to our family- I feel deep seeded guilt- the guilt lurks under beds and behind doors- it takes the form of dirty laundry, dusty baseboards and piles of dirty dishes. I don't even want to talk about the bathroom- sharing a bathroom with a seven year old boy is anything but tidy and the exact opposite of not covered in pee.
So although my family is perfectly happy- growing like weeds- fed and for the most appropriately clothed a part of me still cringes when I see the mess creeping in. My family doesn't care- they drop their dirty socks randomly through out the house and cease to see them. No one cares about the popcorn covered carpet- or the mismatched bed sheets because popcorn is in the tummies and the sheets are clean. I am the only one that sees any of this mess and like 85% of the time it really doesn't bother me- but the other part of the time it drives me nuts and makes me feel like I am failing as a parent and a woman. Because what sort of homemaker allows the dust to build up?
This is madness isn't it? I have a perfectly happy family, am working a full time job that I love and have a great relationship with my husband and friends- yet somehow I feel that I am failing. I can't do it all and I don't want to! I want to be hiking trails instead of washing dishes! I want to be snuggling my babies rather than picking up socks! This myth that a modern woman needs to do it all- including keeping a well maintained home is such bunk. I have better things to do with my time than clean!
The reality is that a working mother does two full time jobs- she does that job she is paid for during the day- immediately transitioning from one job into another- mom mode. School pick up, snacks, dinner prep, laundry, tidying up, feeding people, bathing people, picking up dirty laundry, dishes, straightening up the living room. Very little time for much else and while I'm not whining or complaining I am willing to say I cannot do it all- I am tiered and I have crafts to do! So if you want to come to my house- expect piles of dishes- crummy carpets- funky coffee mugs full of wine and happy mismatched children!
Friends it is Friday again- hip hip hooray! The weather is looking fair to good for Vancouver and most of BC- I play on spending much of the weekend outside and not doing the dishes! I hope where ever you are the sunshine is on your shoulders and in your heart- much love and Happy Friday Friends!