Friday, February 15, 2013

On Aging


       It was my birthday this week- I am a product of the late 70's- I have been told I look a lot younger- and not to brag but I was recently carded at the liquor store- to be fair I was wearing a hat and sunglasses so the grey hairs and wrinkles were not visible. My bones though know how old I actually am and my knees in particular creak that little secret out often!

    My birth story is pretty incredible- or at least the story of how we got home is- My parents lived in a very remote town- Ocean Falls- and had to take a float plane to a larger city in order to give birth in a hospital- or did they take the mail boat? I can't remember I wasn't there for the first part of that journey- I do know the story of our journey home though as it is pretty epic. I have  been told  the story so often that it is part of my memory- pre- memory if you will- I was born after my mom ate a large dinner and watched Old Yeller- I bet she was crying and that is what started the contractions.

    My mom and I stayed with my Grandparents in Westbank B.C. for the next few weeks- after my dad went back up the coast to work- I apparently slept in a dresser drawer in the closet in the back bedroom overlooking the garden- but it was February so everything was hidden under layers of snow. When it came time for the return trip my Grandmother accompanied myself and my Mom onto a boat bound for Norther shores. The exciting bit of the story is that once we were at sea a great storm came up- waves crashing over the haul and sloshing around on the deck- my Grandmother was very ill and my Mom was sure we were going to sink. The crew of the Princess of the North were throwing any extra weight overboard- the plight of the ship's china is always lamented when this story is told.

      Spoiler alert- we survived- barely- but the three of us are still here- the ship found a calm bay to ride out the remainder of the storm in and then limped up the coast onto Ocean Falls where we disembarked. My mom does not like boats. I on the other hand feel like I belong on the water- ocean or lake- and perhaps there is something to be said for pre-memory because nothing thrills me more than the rawness of the wind and waves when one is on the water in a storm. 

        So I am another year older - and yes I am going to talk about myself this entire post- it is my birthday week after all- anyways I am feeling a bit like a ship with loose moorings. Bouncing around a bit and at loose ends- just to use one more sailing analogy- I am adrift. I know I am doing important work here with my Littles and I love it but sometimes I wonder is this it? They are growing fast and while we have loads of fun and learning centred mainly around them sometimes I feel I am getting lost- one day soon they wont need me as much. What do I want to do next?

    I look around our home and see piles of laundry and stacks of dirty dishes, there was a time when none of that mattered to me- I didn't see it- now I get overwhelmed by it. Sometimes I feel like a very over educated cleaning woman! I feel like one day when I was 24- I blinked and found myself here. You know that part of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood where Ashley Judd's character runs away and sleeps for like 3 days? I want to do that- just the clean hotel room and the sleeping alone in a giant bed bit- not the pills or the booze- just the sleeping!

   Obviously I am just being moody and reflective because I am another year older- more grey hairs and my neck really hurts more often than not- my Chiropractor is a lifesaver. And can someone please tell me why the heck I am always awake at 3 a.m? I am well aware all the little weird things that are happening to my body- aging sucks- I don't know if I am going to be able to do this gracefully- I think it will be kicking and screaming!

     OK so pity party aside I am shocked to have even made it this far- years of a pretty adventurous lifestyle have been hard on the old knees- yet still I stand- and on occasion run- I probably shouldn't wake board any more though. I am a lucky lady- I have great kids, a super Mr. by my side and awesome friends- something that was reminded to me in my mail box this week! Really I should be ever so grateful to the universe for serving me up such unconditional love and cuteness- these pictures are from our Valentine's day and it was ever so sweet- even though I cut out more penguins than I care to mention!

    I think that wave loving water baby is still inside me there just biding her time- waiting for my brain to say hey wake up and do something for you! I want to get outside this year- I want to sleep under the stars and wake up to a cold fire pit- I want to run- I want to own less stuff- I want to be more true- I want to take a mid -night canoe ride over to Rattlesnake Island and make out with my sweetie! I think for my 37th year on this planet that is an attainable list- I'm not asking for diamonds, cars or even really cute shoes (although if you want to buy me some feel free)!

      Friends it is Friday again- thank you for being along for the ride with me today- I sat down at the laptop in a pretty foul mood- I wrote some nasty stuff- I acknowledged it and then let it go- it's not worth the space. I am getting up from my desk a much lighter and happier person- so thanks for listening and being patient! I hope you all have a super free weekend- maybe cross something off your own list- just for fun because we are all worth our own love!

P.S.- thank you to my sister in law for sending some adorable photos of my Mr. when he was wee like our Boy- so cute!

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